Strictly for dogs’ eyes only

How to train your human

Maternal Advice from my Doggy Mum

My doggy Mum Stacey only had eight weeks to teach my brothers and sister and I all that we needed to know to create a family life with a human parent. Mum had lived with two families in her life time and been a mother to 13 puppies. We thought she would have some true words of dog wisdom to impart so we listened.

The first aspect Mum explained was that she could no longer supply us with her puppy milk we would need to drink out of small bowls without making a mess. While we were allowed to play rough and tumble and nip bite each other Mum said that humans do not like nips taken out of their fingers. She discussed how life would be hard at first in a new home without company but the human who took us would love us to bits and care for us forever.

The most useful piece of information, my loving Mum gave, was how to be polite and manageable to fit into our new households.

Paternal  Advice from my Doggy Dad

On the day that we all turned six weeks old a man dog, who looked a lot like our Mum, came to visit. He said as our dad that he wanted to give us some clues on how to get on in life with our human.

His instructions complemented Mum’s advice.

“You will be eight weeks old when you meet your human parent. You will only have about eight weeks left tin which to mould them into the parent you want. In those few weeks, you will be looking at your most cute. Your eyes will be huge and wallowing and humans will not be able to resist patting and cuddling you. As you walk down the street near your home the world will look enormous around you. Humans will look like giants. As your mum will have explained. Don’t jump up on humans rather sit down politely ad they will shrink down to your level“

“Oh, you are soo cute … “Is the phrase you will hear over and over“. Use this positive time to teach your human what you want and need to lead a comfy fur baby life. Show them your patting preferences by reacting with lots of expressions when they get the right spot. Purr a little like a cat when you are satisfied they have a good technique. Your actions will reinforce their desire to pat you…

Teach them that when you bark you want something NOW. They must respond to your needs with alacrity.

Let them know that you will do what they want if they offer you treats. By the way in the same way that weeds are plants that grow very well where you don’t want them to, treats are tempting salty and sugary and full of chemicals but they are tastier than the healthy meals you have. Show you an appreciation of these treats by asking for more. Just keep your body sitting prig, your right paw raised and your head tilted. Let an earnest wanting look escape from your eyes your eyes. Not many humans will be able to resist giving you “just one more”

A daily necessity to keep your living space and the local park clean is for your humans to be trained to pick up your poos. KoKo you are lucky as The Subiaco Rangers are exceptionally good at keeping up the yellow bag supply at the park. Also if everyone left their smelly doggie poos on the street you would not be able to select out the food scraps which are far more delicious to eat.

• As soon as you grow stronger in your legs, jump up onto their favourite couch. Ignore their constant reprimand to “Get down” eventually they will tire of stopping you and you will have reserved one of the cosiest places in the house right in the centre of everyone coming and going
• Keep trying this and eventually, they will tire of saying “Get down” and give in and let you stay. Couches are usually lovely comfy spots in the sun so great for having afternoon snoozes
• There are much more ways you will learn to communicate. Humans can see how your body is forming – upright, tense or melting into the floorboards. Dogs cant’ keep secrets. Our tails away too readily and our smile is to rapidly expand at a joyous thought to stop a grin. Your tail will give away your slightest excitement – it is not something you can, or want to hide.
• If your human is smart let him/her stare into your amazingly deep eyes to see your soul. They will shiver in excitement and envy.
• Try not to scratch your human when you want attention. Instead, snuggle up to them or tap them with your paw.
• No matter how tempting their new shoes look. Please do not eat them. You may find yourself banished to the backyard.
• When your human says any of your favourite words ensure you over react. If you hear walk, food, beach, treat let your excitement explode. It is good reinforcement and will guarantee you good things in the future.

Lastly, It may be sensible to wait a little longer before you try the “jump on their bed trick” as Humans pretend they don’t like you sleeping on their bed. But as you get to sneak into their hearts they will crave your warmth and company. It is probably best to do this gradually. Leave the bed when they ask you to the first few times. Then wait until they are asleep and creep back into the bedroom, leap gently leap over their body and curl up on the warm side. They will wake up and smile as they suddenly realise why they chose you. This is best achieved when the weather is chilly or you are ill. Humans are more likely to give in to your unhappy looks.